TELETHON.

By Abby Manock

Imagine yourself as a volunteer phone operator at a local public television membership drive in a make-shift call center in a school gymnasium. There you are, sitting in a folding chair at a fold-up table.  In front of you, you’ve got your cup of coffee, a pencil, a pad of paper, a sheet of instructions and a telephone. 

10:05am

You look at the clock, It’s 10:05.  You’re here until 5:00.  That’s 7 hours from now,  but that’s ok.  You’re donating your time for a good cause. You’re enthusiastic.  You’re ready. You’re waiting for the phone to ring.  It could ring at any moment, and it will… but when?  You look at the clock. You look around.  The 15+ people on your team are all busy with callers.  You wonder what’s wrong.  Is your phone broken? You stare at the phone.  All of a sudden you question your ability to perform the simple tasks outlined clearly on your instruction sheet.  You go over your lines in your head. You stare at the phone, dreading the call. You tap your pencil.  You squirm in your seat.  Nervous energy is bubbling up inside you………

BrrrrrrRRIINGGGGGGGGG!!!!

12:30pm

You’ve had steady callers. You’ve had a pleasant and friendly phone persona. You’ve given away a few tote bags for pledges of $25 dollars or more.  This isn’t so bad, you tell yourself. You take a break, you go to the concessions table for a coffee refill.  Someone has thoughtfully made cupcakes with frosting in colors of the station logo. You wonder if this was a conscious choice to inspire dedication and solidarity among the volunteers.  You go back to your post.

3:10pm

Afternoon callers are fewer and far between.  You find yourself staring around at the other volunteers, making assumptions about their lives based on their clothing and mannerisms.  You watch the monitor of the Tele-thon broadcasting live on TV.  They are showing clips of children’s programming and it occurs to you that the wholesome teaching methods used in these shows, presenting letters, numbers, skits and songs that teach kids how the world functions are the same seductive tactics that advertisers use to promote products and services geared towards adult consumers, shifting the role of television from teacher to seller as we grow up.  You wonder if this has had an impact on the massive amounts of over consumption plaguing our country today… Your phone rings.

3:25pm

Another lull.  You shift your eyes again to the monitor. Now they are talking about the pledge goals they want to reach during your shift.  They show a few seconds of live feed of the call center and you see yourself staring off towards the monitor that you are watching… Weird.

3:30pm

Your phone rings. The person on the other end asks you if you are wearing a plaid shirt.  Without thinking you say Yes, because you are, and when he says he’s been watching you, you hang up.

4:40pm

Your phone is ringing steadily, but you can’t concentrate. Your imagination is running wild with the idea of your Tele-stalker.  You imagine him waiting for you when you get back to your car, or worse, he is already hiding in your car, poised to kill you.  You picture him jumping out with a gun and the terror you will feel in your last minutes of life.  You wonder how they will identify your body after he steels your wallet, and who will notify your family. You don’t want the Tele-thon to end because you want to die alone in the parking lot of a public television station.  Why did you sign up for this in the first place?

5:00pm

Tele-thon ends.  Pledge goals were successfully reached.  Everyone is glowing with a sense of shared accomplishment.  You are paralyzed. The volunteer coordinator calls all the volunteers over and gives everyone a badge with the station logo that says I COUNT, and thanks everyone for their time.  You realize several of them are wearing plaid shirts.  You mention your mystery caller to one of them and they say, “Don’t worry, that always happens.”  Your paranoia evaporates.

9:45pm

Later on, you have dinner with friends and attempt to recount the events of your day, but no one really gets it, so you show them your badge, and they say, “Oh, cool.”